


Born on the 4th of July

by littlemisslarge



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Baking, Birthday, Innuendo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-20
Updated: 2013-08-19
Packaged: 2017-12-24 02:02:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/933855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemisslarge/pseuds/littlemisslarge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy wants to throw Steve a birthday party. With cake.</p>
<p>Lots and lots of cake.</p>
<p>What could possibly go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Birthday Request

**Author's Note:**

> This piece came about due, in part, to the Great British Bake-Off.
> 
> Which is so full of innuendo, you often end up choking on your tea.
> 
> Add in the wonderful Kat Dennings in 'Two Broke Girls' and this is the result.
> 
> The characters are all Marvel's, but the hijinks are all mine.

Steve understood the irony of Captain America being born on the 4th of July. That, and the questions about how old he physically was versus how long he’d been awake for were two extremely good reasons why he avoided celebrating his birthday. It didn’t bother him. He’d just have a quiet seat on one of the balconies of Avengers Tower and enjoy watching whatever fireworks were going on that year, happy to see New York spread out below him and enjoying the sound of everyone else enjoying Independence Day.

It seemed that fate had other plans. And those plans came in the shape of Darcy Lewis. Darcy had moved into Avengers Tower about 6 months before citing that if she didn’t, Jane Foster was likely to go ‘batshit crazy surrounded by all the science-finery’ – Steve just about got what she was on about – and had been nothing but loud and energetic and extremely crass ever since. Steve secretly was in awe of her. And, even though she denied she had a superpower, over the coming months she won over every single member of the Avengers. Even Director Fury. And how did she do it?

Baked goods.

What soon became apparent was that Darcy was a baker extraordinaire. Cupcakes, muffins, cookies, you name it, at some point it would appear, and in the most odd places. When Banner was having a bad day, a lemon drizzle cake appeared as if by magic. When Rhodey got stuck in one of Stark’s new versions of his Iron Man suit, he got plied with cherry flapjacks. And when Valentine ’s Day had rocked up, every resident in the Tower had been given a personalised red velvet cupcake. Steve had never tasted anything as good. He had even tried to persuade Darcy to give him an extra one because of his fast metabolism. She had just laughed and shook her head.

‘No can do, Cap. You’re going to have to do better if you want to get your hands on m’goods.’

Steve had blushed fire-truck red and retreated. But from there an understanding had sprung up. He had a sweet tooth and could burn through calories like you wouldn’t believe, and she needed a test subject for her more outrageous creations that would not complain about putting on the pounds. Match made in heaven really.

But, as they say, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. And through the blur of the sugar rush, Steve was pretty sure that he had fallen for the cheeky, outspoken pixie that had commandeered the communal kitchen.

So he was a bit curious when she started tailing him to lunch. Or to Starbucks. Or to anywhere he tended to get food. She tried to be discrete, but he was a super soldier and pretty observant. So two weeks before his birthday he caught her in the kitchen, peering into a suspicious looking brown paper bag that he had left on the counter for this very purpose.

‘Find anything interesting?’ 

Steve had snuck up behind her barefoot, quiet as a mouse and leaned in very close before whispering in her ear. Darcy jumped about a food in the air, elbowing him in the chest and dropping the bag of spiced pumpkin loaf. Steve rubbed his chest – the girl had pointy little elbows!

‘Holy crap on a cracker, Steve! Do not sneak up on me! What if I’d had my taser on me? You’d be hitting the deck and twitching in a puddle of drool by now.’

Steve laughed, and reached around to retrieve his abandoned treat.

‘True, but finding out why you have become some kind of food-stalker was just too tempting.’

He took a big bite of the slice of cake, clearly enjoying her discomfort.

‘Well, it’s your birthday soon... and you seem to eat pretty much everything, and like everything. I was trying to figure out if you had a favourite. You know... so I could make you something for your birthday.’

Steve nearly choked on the last bite of his cake. Darcy wanted to make him something special for his birthday? But he never liked to celebrate that.... Steve’s mind was racing a mile a minute trying to think how to let Darcy know that he was really touched by her offer, but she really didn’t have to. No matter how he phrased it, it just sounded plain rude. So he kept quiet.

‘So any clues?’

Steve finished swallowing his pumpkin bread and shook his head, blonde fringe falling into his eyes.

‘You know me, Darce. I like all kinds of things. So surprise me.’

And with that he turned and headed down the hallway, leaving Darcy to flip through her cookbooks and browse the internet for the quintessential super-hero treat.

At the time, Steve was merely concerned about drawing attention to his birthday.

Two weeks later, he was wishing he’d stayed on ice.


	2. Seven days to go (Phil Coulson)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil in the kitchen... and a little reference to the real life Mrs Coulson!

Steve walked through the lounge, sweaty from his run and gasping for a bottle of water. He was making a beeline for the kitchen and pulling out his earbuds (he liked a bit of classic rock and roll when he was pounding the pavements) when he heard Darcy’s low chuckle around the corner.

Well, it wasn’t unusual to find her in the kitchen. Though she had been avoiding him a little since their birthday cake conversation the week before. What was unusual was the second voice he heard coming from the kitchen.

‘Am I doing it right, Darcy?’

‘Oh Phil, that’s perfect. You’ve seriously got a really good action there. Just remember, nice gentle rubbing. Little circles. You want to take your time with this.’

Darcy’s words were cut off with a laugh from Phil.

‘Not the usual reaction I get. Ever since the incident with Loki, I’ve had pretty poor circulation, so my hands are always cold.’

‘Trust me, Phil. I’m not complaining. And doing this by hand, especially with cold hands, always gets the best result.’

Steve stuck his back to the wall by the kitchen, not daring to even peak round to see what Darcy and Phil were doing. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to combat the churning in his stomach as Darcy gave a long, drawn out moan.

‘Good?’

‘Agent, you’ve got the magic touch...’

And with that, Steve turned tail and fled. Coulson and Darcy??? How long had THAT been going on?

****

Darcy took the spoon of clotted cream and strawberry jam out of her mouth.

‘Phil, these scones are going to be epic!’

He glanced up at Darcy and shook his hands into the bowl where he had just finished rubbing the butter into the flour and sugar.

‘I hope so Miss Lewis. What next?’

‘Well, we add some milk and then roll them out. Cut out what shape you fancy and then into the oven they go!’

Phil carefully started measuring out the fluids while Darcy double checked the recipe.

‘So what made you pick this for Steve’s party, Son of Coul?’

‘Well, it is really a bit of a classic. Afternoon tea, very British. Thought it might bring back some nice memories of his time in Europe. Plus I can freeze them and take them out on the day so I don’t have to fight people for the kitchen.’

‘Which you would totally win, by the way. I’ve seen you go all ninja with bags of flour...’

Phil rolled his eyes. ‘True, Miss Lewis, but I also get the pleasure of your company. I imagine you are going to be somewhat busy over the next week...’

‘True that. Everyone, even Fury, has volunteered to make something for Cap’s big day. I’ve had to schedule baking time like some kind of military exercise. Not cool!’

‘Nice that everyone wants to do something though.’

‘Yeah. Although encouraging Tony Stark into this kitchen with hot surfaces and sharp implements? Not my finest hour.’

‘You’ll be fine, Darcy. Pepper will keep him in check. Or you can threaten him with ‘Supernanny’...’

‘Is that how you do it?’

‘I will never tell.’

Darcy laughed as Phil proceeded to cut out perfect rounds of dough and transfer them on to a baking sheet. A quick brush of milk over the top and they were ready for the oven.

‘So, what shall we do whilst they do their thing?’

Phil cocked his head to the side as he slipped off his apron and hung it on a cupboard handle. ‘Dancing with the stars?’

‘You only want to watch the series with Jennifer Grey in it!’

‘What can I say? Nobody puts Baby in the corner...’

Darcy chuckled and looped her arm through his, heading towards the TV. ‘Such a romantic!’

‘So who’s baking tomorrow?’

‘Clint.’

‘Barton can cook?’

‘So it would seem...’

‘I should note that in his file...’

‘You are a cruel and unusual man, Agent Coulson...’

And with that, they settled down to watch the show while the scones baked.


	3. Six days to go (Clint Barton)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint in the kitchen... 
> 
> And forgotten pudding is a real thing! I recommend looking up Nigella Lawson's recipe.

Darcy looked the recipe that Clint was waving under her nose.

‘Forgotten Pudding?’

‘Yeah! Minimal cooking. Just whip up some egg whites and stuff, add fruit, pop in a warm oven, then switch OFF the oven and leave overnight. Totally genius!’

‘Clint.... have you ever tried to make meringue before?’

‘Woman! It cannot be that hard.’

Darcy raised a speculative eyebrow at him.

‘Alright Barton. Let’s see your skills.’

***

Steve had avoided Darcy all day. The thought of what she had been doing with Phil in the kitchen the day before was complete torture. But she was his friend. And if she and Phil were... well... courting, then Steve was going to darn well show he was a supportive buddy. He asked JARVIS where Darcy was.

‘Miss Lewis is currently in the kitchen, Captain Rogers.’

‘Thanks JARVIS.’

Steve squared his shoulders, swallowed his jealousy and strode towards the kitchen.

***

‘Come on Clint! I told you it’s all in the wrist action. Get it right and ta da, nice and stiff. Overdo it and all you get left with is a sticky, runny mess.’

‘But it hurts, Darce. We’ve been at this for hours!’

‘Serves you right for thinking you could get away with a quickie, Katniss.’

Steve was back pinned to the wall, mouth open in absolute mortification as he listened to the exchange. Darcy and CLINT?? What happened to Phil? Surely she wasn’t... you know... with both of them.... But Steve couldn’t believe she would cheat. There had to be some other logical explanation for this. Didn’t there?

‘Bet you weren’t this mean to Coulson.’

‘Son of Coul understands the importance of patience of doing this kind of thing just right. He works hard, and he gets results. Maybe you’d like to ask him for a few pointers?’

Steve had heard enough and bolted straight back to his room.

***

A whole box of eggs later, Clint had finally made a passable meringue. Glossy and in smooth, firm peaks, covered liberally in passion fruit and berries. He popped it in the pre-heated oven and turned it off to cook oh so slowly overnight.

‘You do know you are going to have to make another one later on in the week, don’t you? It won’t keep until Steve’s birthday.’

Clint leaned back against the counter, a sly grin on his face.

‘Don’t worry, short stack, I’ve got plans for that bad boy.’

Darcy eyed him speculatively and laughed.

‘You cheeky bastard! You’re going to give it to the secretarial pool to get out of doing your paperwork, aren’t you?’

Clint shrugged and slung an arm around Darcy’s shoulders, steering her away from the kitchen and down the corridor towards their respective apartments. It was getting late and he was all cooked out.

‘What can I say babe, I like to share the goods around.’

Clint heard a strangled groan from behind him and he glanced over his shoulder to see Steve framed in his doorway, forehead pushed into the palm of one hand.

‘You OK Steve?’ Clint asked.

Steve glared at him and managed to grind out ‘Yes, thank you, Agent Barton’ before he slammed the door shut again.

Darcy looked at Clint, bemused. 

‘What’s eating him?’

‘Who knows, but if it's paperwork, I’m not letting him in on my action with the secretarial pool to make his life easier.’

‘Harsh, Barton. Way harsh.’

As they passed further along the corridor, they didn’t hear the dull thud of Steve’s head hitting his apartment door in complete frustration and confusion.


	4. Five days to go (Natasha Romanov)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha in the kitchen.
> 
> I have, sadly, never made chocolate fondant. Bet it's tricky though.

Darcy knew that Natasha was a good cook. Basically, anything the Widow made was bound to be good, so Darcy wasn’t there as instructor so much as taste-tester. And boy, was this a taste explosion.

Natasha gently turned out two cake moulds onto the plate to reveal delicate and soft chocolate sponge.

‘We have to let the cool a little first, otherwise you are going to burn your mouth.’

‘Whatever you say, as long as I get a piece of that action.’

Darcy could smell the delicate aroma of cherries wafting up through the steam and groaned in anticipation.

‘How long you gonna make me wait though?’

‘Long enough for you to tell me what is going on with the good Captain. Every time he’s seen you, Clint or Phil today, he’s either been glaring daggers or looking like someone told him that ice cream was becoming extinct.’

‘I have no idea...’

And so the ladies launched into a discussion of Steve’s altogether odd behaviour.

***

Steve was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He just had to talk to Darcy about what was going on. He was worried. Seriously worried. He had been watching her and her supposed ‘boyfriends’ all day, and he was pretty damn sure that Darcy was being played for a fool.

Phil had openly admitted that he would not be available for training with some of the newer Agents due to a ‘prior commitment’. When pushed he admitted that he was going to see his girlfriend play in a concert – she was a cellist.

‘I didn’t know Darcy played the cello.’

‘Darcy doesn’t. Her name’s Melanie.’

Well, that shut Steve up real fast.

And Clint! Clint had been approached by pretty much every female (and even some of the guys) in the secretarial pool today and addressed at various times as ‘Sugar Daddy’, ‘Candy Man’ and, by one particularly over-zealous newbie ‘My gooey Marshmallow’. And Clint took NUMBERS!

Steve was seething. Darcy was a lady, and she deserved to be treated as such. Not like a second rate woman of questionable morals. He had to tell her. He had to stand up for her honour. It was his duty! But first, he had to check where she was.

‘JARVIS?’

‘Yes, Captain Rogers?’

‘Where is Darcy?’

‘In the kitchen, sir.’

Steve heaved himself off the bed and made for the door. As he reached towards to door handle, he paused.

‘She alone, JARVIS?’

‘Miss Lewis is currently in the company of Agent Romanov, Captain Rogers.’

Steve opened the door. Nat was sure to back him up. And off he went.

***

‘I just don’t get it Nat. He’s acting so odd, when all I’ve tried to do is be nice and... well... you know...’

‘Guys just don’t understand. They take things at face value. But I know something that will make you feel much better.’

Natasha handed her a spoon and directed her to break into the delicate chocolate and cherry fondant that was still steaming slightly on the plate.

‘Really Nat? Can I?’

Darcy was hopping on her stool with glee.

‘I would be offended if you didn’t just dive right in there.’

Darcy carefully sliced open the dessert and watched as a river of chocolate and cherry sauce spilled onto the plate.

‘Damn Nat, that is possibly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.’

‘Just wait till you taste it...’

Darcy licked the spoon and ‘Mmmm’d her delight. 

‘How’d did you get it to taste like cherries?’

‘I tucked some cherry brandy flavoured chocolate in there and just let it melt.’

‘Damn, I could lick that up all night.’

Natasha tossed her head back and chuckled. ‘I think you are too close to orgasmic already, Miss Lewis. Now hurry up and finish it off.’

Darcy and Natasha cleared the plate with alacrity, letting out little moans and whimpers of joy until all that was left was a smear of chocolate on the plate.

***

Damn. And... well... just DAMN. Steve sat with his back against his bedroom door, breathing hard. On the one hand, it was obvious that Darcy was well aware that her interactions with Clint and / or Phil were not what they should be. But to seek consolation from Natasha? Steve was completely floored.

He had no idea that Darcy was interested in women in that way.

His head hit his knees as he took deep breaths, trying not to picture what he thought he had heard in the kitchen. How was he ever going to look her in the face again? The Widow was going to kick his ass.

Steve sighed.

He’d probably let her, as long as she made Darcy happy. Darcy obviously wasn’t going to let him try.


	5. Four days to go (Thor and Jane Foster)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and Jane in the kitchen.
> 
> Just the idea of Thor icing things makes me laugh...

Steve knew it was safe to venture into the kitchen. He’d checked with JARVIS. And after he had wiped down all the surfaces VERY thoroughly, he set about making himself some lunch.

He was just flipping over a grilled cheese sandwich when Thor crashed into the living room in hot pursuit of Jane Foster.

‘I do not understand, Jane. Why are you so insistent that I share my nuts with Lady Darcy?’

‘Because, sweetie, I promised her that I would make more of an effort to share and participate. Get out of the lab more and experience something new. Which means sharing your ....’

Steve would have laughed at the sight of Jane making an abrupt stop when she saw him at the stove, and Thor careening straight into the back of her. But his brain was already overloaded with everything he had learnt about Darcy over the last few days. He turned back to the stove and flipped his grilled cheese onto a plate. Turning off the hob, he picked up his lunch and headed for somewhere quiet.

‘You OK Steve?’ Jane called after him.

He gestured vaguely with one hand as he disappeared from sight.

‘My SHIELD Brother appears troubled. Perhaps I should go after him?’

Jane grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the kitchen.

‘Nope, this is perfect. He’ll be out the way and Darcy will be here any minute, and you and I...’

‘Are going to make something called a Pecan Danish. I have read the recipe, Jane, and it looks to be a fine venture. It does require the nuts to be crushed. Shall I fetch my hammer?’

‘I’m sure we can do just fine with a rolling pin, sweetie...’

***

Darcy roared with laughter as she watched Thor, covered in flour and crushed nuts, delicately icing the piece of confectionary in front of him. His tongue was sticking out in concentration as he dribbled an intricate and stylised image of his hammer onto the top.

‘Well guys. I’m pretty impressed. It looks awesome. And Thor should totally be in the next series of Ace of Cakes.’

'I am glad you approve, Lightning Sister.’

‘No problems, big guy.’

Jane, equally covered in flour, looked closely at Darcy as she brought up a delicate topic of conversation.

‘So have you told Steve about the cakes and stuff, and the party for his birthday?’

‘Well, duh, wouldn’t be much of a surprise if I did that now would it?’

‘Well, no, but he does seem a little down lately. Maybe you need to spend some time with him? He might not even want a party.’

‘Jaaaane. I can’t spend more time with him! I have to supervise you guys to make sure you don’t blow up the kitchen. And run interference if Steve gets to wondering what’s with all the baked tasties that are suddenly appearing. And as for a big party, it’s just the team. No one extra. Just those who care about him.’

‘Alright, D. On this I will bow to your superior knowledge.’

Jane picked up the piping bag that Thor had put down and looked at Darcy with a mischievous glint in her eye.

‘Jane, what are you doing?’

Jane had picked up the bag and tightened it, waving the nozzle at Darcy.

‘For a master baker, you don’t even have a spec on you. How do you do that?’

‘You’ll never make me talk...’

‘Wanna bet?’

***

Steve poked his head out the door to see Jane, Thor and Darcy strolling by, arm in arm, covered in who only knew what.

‘Hey Steve, we’re just going to hit the showers. You free for a cup of coffee or something later?’ Darcy called over her shoulder.

Steve could only stammer as she disappeared from view.


	6. Three days to go (Tony Stark and Pepper Potts)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who let Tony Stark in the kitchen?
> 
> And, yeah, avoiding a soggy bottom is a very serious business...

Darcy knew that baking with Tony Stark was going to be a challenge. So she had wrangled in Pepper to help. Between them they had decided to make a fruit flan, and Pepper was going to use raspberries and blueberries on the top to make the pattern from the Captain’s shield. Darcy was impressed with her dedication to the cause.

They had hit a stumbling block, however. Steve was sitting at the breakfast bar, nose firmly tucked into a book, refusing to move.

‘Come on, Steve, no one likes an un-budger...’

Steve shook his head emphatically. ‘I’m sure it will all be fine Darcy, but there is no way I am leaving you alone and unsupervised with him.’

‘I’m not going to be alone, or unsupervised. Pepper will be here any minute.’

‘Well, I’ll just stay until she gets here then.’

Tony looked suitably put out. ‘Dude. I’m right here. What do think I’m going to do? Try out my awesome science skills and make an exploding sponge cake? Coz I could totally do that...’

Steve held Tony’s gaze, steady and still. ‘No Tony, I just want to protect Darcy from your bad influence.’

Tony shrugged, and turned back to Darcy. ‘Whatever, Captain Crankypants. OK maestro, make me a baker! I want to know everything! Beating, whipping, and how not to get a soggy bottom. The whole shebang.’

Darcy hid her laugh under a cough when Steve eyed her closely. And then she went about the arduous task of educating Tony Stark, engineer, superhero and manly man, in the delicate art of making pastry.

***

About 2 hours later, they had a pretty good base and were working on the filling. The custard was done and Tony was making a complete mess with the raspberries. He leaned over to sneak a blueberry from Darcy's pile and she smacked him on the back of the hand.

‘Hands off m’goods, Tinman.’

‘Really Darcy, must you make everything about sex?’

‘Actually Tony, I’m pretty sure that is YOUR job description!’ came a voice from the hall.

‘Pep! You made it! Come see what I have created with my bare hands and awesome skills!’

Pepper strolled into the kitchen and gracefully folded herself onto the seat by Steve. 

‘It looks great. Nice work, Darcy!’ She nodded to Steve. ‘Did they behave for you? Sorry I’m late, I got stuck in a conference call.’

Steve slid off his chair and smiled at Pepper. ‘They’ve been very good. Darcy has been fending off Tony’s advances extremely well.’ And with that he left the group all standing round the breakfast bar with expressions of various states of bemusement.

Pepper was the first to shake it off and she boosted herself gracefully up onto the worktop to lean over and snag a berry from Tony’s board.

‘Looks good guys. Just the decorating left to go.’ She licked the juice off her fingers and Tony looked up at her in complete adoration. 

‘You might want to get changed out of your suit first babe... Because you’re sitting in the wet patch.’

Pepper jumped down and observed the tell tale puddle of fruit juice that she had sat in, rolling her eyes.

‘That’s what she said!’ Darcy chimed in.

Tony high fived her.


	7. Two days to go (Bruce Banner)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not easy being Green... which is why Bruce avoids the kitchen altogether and makes Gooseberry Fool... For Science!

Steve felt a bit more comfortable once he had seen Darcy clearly giving Tony Stark the brush off. He had to trust her judgement. So when she dashed off to the lab to help Bruce with something ‘For Science!’, he didn’t feel the need to follow her.... Until she didn’t resurface for a good few hours...

***

Darcy and Bruce peered down into the bowl in Bruce’s lab. He said that working in a hot kitchen environment wasn’t good for keeping the Big Guy under control, so he was going for a chilled offering for Steve’s party. He didn’t even have to leave the lab as long as he had access to a fridge. So Darcy accommodated him. She was beginning to regret that choice.

‘What did you do?’

‘Well, I tried a bit of whipping, and a bit of beating...’

‘Do you know the difference?’

‘Power and action I think...’

‘Carry on then, Dr Banner...’

‘But it just looks wrong.’

‘Dude, it’s green.’

‘Is it meant to be green?’

‘Fucked if I know. I’ve never done this before.’

‘And, well, there’s LOADS of it...’

‘I had no idea a little could go such a long way... Well Brucie, moment of truth...’

‘What?’

‘You’re going to have to eat it...’

‘Care to join me?’

‘You created a bowl of green.... whatever that is.... down here.... in your lab... and you expect me to EAT IT? No way Banner!’

Bruce dipped his finger into the bowl and carefully licked off the substance he had collected.

‘Actually it’s pretty good...’

‘I had complete faith in you Doc! But I’m still not eating it.’ Darcy covered the container in shrink wrap and handed him a sticky label and a pen.

‘Why not?’

‘Because I have no idea where your hands have been and you just stuck your finger in the bowl!’ Darcy laughed as she headed out of the lab, past Steve who was looking a bit green himself.

‘You OK, Cap?’

‘Yeah’ he said. ‘Just lost my appetite.’

Darcy took him by the hand and led him back up to the residential floors to order in a pizza to try and tempt him. She was getting worried that maybe this party was not such a good idea after all.

***

One of Dr Banner’s interns nearly filed a bio-hazard warning when they looked in the fridge the next morning. Until they found the label on the side of the bowl that said ‘Dr Banner’s Gooseberry Fool’.


	8. One day to go (Nick Fury)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love making cake pops. But, as Director Fury is about to discover, leave them out in the warm too long, and they become a nightmare to work with!

Director Fury was in awe of Darcy Lewis’s ‘mad skills’. At least that’s what Darcy kept telling herself as he glared at her over the balls of cake perched on their little sticks.

‘Lewis. This is not working. Cake pops? Are you crazy?’

‘They are awesome. Look, I’ve made little Steves and Tonys and Bruces and Thors already. You just need to decorate yours. Make some little Furys. Now get to it. I’m going to take Steve a cup of tea and check if he’s OK.’

And off she scuttled, mug in hand.

***

Darcy sat at the head of Steve’s bed and stroked his hair across his forehead in a soothing motion.

‘You OK Steve?’

‘Mmm hmm’

‘Nervous about your birthday tomorrow?’

‘Uh uh’

‘Feel like uttering a human word anytime soon?’

‘I’m sorry Darcy. I’ve just missed having you around these past few days. And I just wanted to tell you...’

‘LEWIS!!!’

‘Hold that thought a sec’ Darcy said as she hopped off the bed and ran to the door, sticking her head out.

‘WHAT???’

‘GET OVER HERE!’

She peeked back at Steve and mouthed ‘5 minutes’ at him, dashing out of his sight towards the kitchen.

***

Nick Fury and Darcy Lewis had issues with volume control. Both were aware of this. Didn’t stop them having a shouting match right there in the kitchen though.

Nick waved a cake pop under Darcy’s nose. ‘WHAT THE HELL, LEWIS? THESE BALLS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SMOOTH! DO THESE LOOK SMOOTH TO YOU?’

‘NOT MY FAULT YOU LEFT ‘EM TOO LONG, YOU DUMBASS! AND STOP WAVING LITTLE FURY AT ME! SO NOT IMPRESSED...’

‘WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?’

‘YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS. YOU CAN EITHER SQUEEZE ‘EM, ROLL ‘EM AND PRAY THEY DON’T FALL APART. OR YOU CAN GO AND   
STICK THOSE BALLS IN THE GODDAMN FRIDGE!’

And with that Darcy turned on her heel and left Director Fury to figure it out for himself.

***

‘Sorry about that. You were saying?’

Steve shook his head and pulled her down next to him, nose to nose. After hearing her tell Fury where to go stick his balls, Steve really didn’t want to piss her off.

‘Doesn’t matter. I just want you to know that, well, you’re important to me. And I respect you. And if anyone was to get fresh with you.... well... I’d take care of it for you...’

‘Steve, I know you’re all super soldiery and stuff, but do you have a concussion? Did you hit your head?’

She started running her fingers through his hair, checking for lumps and bumps. Steve shut his eyes tight at the sensation.

‘No Darcy, I’m fine. I just... Well.... I just feel like I’m finally getting what I always wanted, a purpose and a cause. And a family. You’re family to me. I just want to take care of you.’

Darcy blinked slowly. And then hugged him close. He had no idea how much she wanted to tell him the same thing.

***

Fury finished painting the last eye-patch on the last cake pop. He was pretty pleased with himself. And as a reward, he picked up an Iron Man cake pop from the box and eyed it speculatively. He always enjoyed biting off Stark’s head...


	9. Lift off! (Darcy Lewis)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is Darcy going to make Steve for his birthday?

Steve’s birthday arrived and he woke up expecting to find Darcy still tucked in his arms where she had finally fallen asleep. (He may have asked her to stay, but he wasn’t admitting to it.) All he found were cold sheets in the early morning light. So he swung his legs out of bed and went in search of her.

She was babbling on the phone to Jane, and he couldn’t help but smile as he watched her bustle around the kitchen, flour on her cheek and a smudge of something that looked like cinnamon up her arm.

‘I finally figured it out Jane! I know what he wants!’

He couldn’t make out Jane’s response over the oven door being opened and closed and the whirr of the fan.

But the next words out of Darcy’s mouth he heard loud and clear.

‘Got one in the oven right now, Janey. I’m so excited!’

And with that, Steve knew that this was going to be the worst birthday ever. He wished he had stayed on ice.

***

‘Captain Rogers?’

‘Yeah JARVIS....’

‘Miss Lewis has requested your presence out on the roof terrace.’

‘Tell her I’ll be right there.’

‘As you wish, Sir.’

Steve looked at the photo of him and Darcy that they had taken at Coney Island a month or two before. They looked so happy. And now, she was expecting a baby, and there were multiple options for the father. How did everything get so screwed up? Time to face the music. 

He walked out of his room and out to the terrace.

‘SURPRISE!!!!!’

Everyone was there. All the Avengers, Jane, Coulson, Director Fury. And Darcy slap bang in the middle, with a smile like sunshine. Steve was speechless. And then all of a sudden he was furious. How could everyone be so two-faced and sneaky with each other? How could they all use Darcy like they had been. He was practically vibrating with rage, and Darcy soon began to feel like maybe a birthday party had been a very, VERY bad idea.

Steve walked forward and took her hand in his.

‘Steve?’

‘Darcy. I know I said that we’re family. And I meant it. I would do anything for you. I’d protect you. Fight for your honour. I love you.’

‘Steve... what’s going on....?’

‘So let me make it really clear when I tell you that when your baby comes along, I’ll be right with you to help in whatever way I can.’ At this point Steve let go of her hand and turned to glare at the assembly around him. ‘But I sure as hell hope whichever one of you got her this way is going to do the stand-up thing. Otherwise I cannot be held responsible for my actions.’

Steve leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. ‘Sorry I ruined the party. Birthdays are always a bad idea.’ And he walked back through the sliding doors.

All eyes swivelled to Darcy who stood with her mouth hanging open.

‘What. The. Fuck.’


	10. It’s my party...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let them eat cake!
> 
> No, seriously.... There's a lot of good stuff here...
> 
> Phil Coulson - scones with cream and jam  
> Clint Barton - Forgotten Pudding  
> Natasha Romanov - chocolate cherry fondants  
> Thor and Jane Foster - Pecan Danish  
> Tony Stark and Pepper Potts - Captain's Shield Flan  
> Bruce Banner - gooseberry fool  
> Nick Fury - Avenger cake pops  
> Darcy Lewis - Cinnamon crust apple pie

Darcy found Steve sitting in the kitchen staring down at his hands. She smacked him on the shoulder.

‘Where do you get off?’

‘What??’

‘You heard me! We all worked really hard to throw an awesome party for you, and you decide to act like a Grade A douche-canoe. I’m not even going to mention the whole baby-drama you seem to have cooked up in your head. If you didn’t want a party, you could have just given an ‘aw shucks, thanks gang’ and then made yourself scarce. But NO! Captain Jackass here wanted to make a statement!’

Out of all of the ranting coming out of Darcy’s tiny frame there was only one thing that actually registered with Steve. So much so that he pressed a finger to her lips to stop the flow of rage.

‘You’re not pregnant?’

‘Dude, so not the issue right now...’

‘Darcy, yes or no. Are you pregnant?’

‘No Steve. I’m not. How could I be? I’ve not been seeing anyone since I moved in here. I’ve been too busy trying to make an impression on you, you big dumb superhero.’

‘But this week... with Phil... and Clint... and... well... EVERYBODY!’

‘I was helping them with their baking efforts. They all made you something special. I ASKED them to make you something special. For your birthday. Which has always been such a suck-fest. Behold the continuing tradition...’ 

Darcy gave a little shrug of defeat.

‘So this morning, when you said you had one in the oven....’

Darcy looked up at him with equal parts amusement, understanding and exasperation. She walked around to the oven and opened it, pulling out a freshly baked apple pie.

‘Cinnamon crust too. Found out from Nancy down in the cafeteria that it’s your favourite.’

Steve’s face cracked into a wide grin as all of the tension went out of him. He scooped Darcy into his arms and proceeded to kiss the living daylights out of her. She didn’t seem to mind. And she tasted like sugar and spice.

***

When they finally broke for air, Steve tugged her hand and went back to re-join the party and enjoy the many different types of cake and dessert his friends had made. Steve’s little outburst was soon cleared up, much to the amusement of the assembled guests, and not a small amount of blushing from more than just Steve. (He never knew Natasha could go that colour before...) Everyone agreed that baking was far too full of innuendo. (‘In-YOUR-endo!’ ‘Can it, Stark.’)

And as the 4th of July fireworks started to light up the sky, Darcy snuck up to him and slipped an apron over his head. It said ‘Kiss the cook’ on the front.

‘Well Steve, I think I need to give you come cookery lessons. Because what I have learnt today is that culinary terminology if something you need to be caught up on, stat.’

Steve laughed and pulled her in for a kiss. ‘Only if I you wear my apron.’

‘Deal.’


End file.
